​over one million beings
I’ve not once existed
I feel everywhere
and I so
inside of me
inside every cell
not out in
and out
wake me if I don’t seem here
the other day when I lay down
I found myself transported
across Wales
across mothers’ reach of galaxies
wake me if I don’t seem here
spiralling back
every person
on every street
Barcelona
Nice
Saint Tropez
Morocco
Maray
Mozambique
Uzbekistan
Palestine
we all share
a soul
universe spectates
itself
spectates
and she is ashamed
i weep
wake me if I’m asleep
all condensed into squares
pulling us down the plug hole
like
the square
the café
or the middle of a city centre
whatever that indicates
café crème
café paris far from the city population
40 — 20 minutes reach from eternity
and I just wanted to know
what it meant to be
in the middle
of whatever that was
who named the square
who said this is the meeting place
and everyone agreed
wake me if I’m asleep
I’ve just always
wanted to know everyone
I never had
a place
born beneath cold stones
my name whispered into the chalk
circle of ash
veiled in wet ferns
feet pressed to earth
still warm from the dead
I was handed no God
only lichen
and bone
long damp dripping wet
long barrow buried
devil seat
stone circle kiss
hissed and presumed
missing person
missed
sun dragging itself behind Silbury’s desperate wish
only to be old dumping ground
disappointing myth
view could encourage fold
toes pressed to damp earth
remember how to hold
the ancient hands that threw
to build and mould
turn mouldy
tie a ribbon to the tree
for those who left young
those who left old
those who wish their story
to continue to be told
no god but the fire pit
no faith but the cold
hard shoulder
the speeding car ran me down
not once but twice
the second time I had to laugh
had to laugh
or I might cry
third time there was no car
they wanted me to die
Sharma traveller gitane read tarot
outside our gate
ask me again to sing that hymn
tell of my future
tell of my fate
ruby red pillow
cat asleep
upturned hat
paw against brim
my best friend the water
corn in the air
my mother hung washing
its rude to stare
I watched them
bare rings
spinning bearings
sticky cider skatepark
cards fell mirrors
tell of my future again
she said you have to go someone is near
wake me if I don’t seem here
some of my brothers
not by blood
arrested for death
the same week she smeared frankincense
on her chest
wept into essence
beside the stone cross
someone was found
face down in the cow field
that might’ve been me
she said he would never tell
just glad she could recover
my soul from body
liquid solid
mercury
poison as cure
needle in arm
and still she said
this land is sacred
and still I
believed in her
never to listen to know what was meant
wake me if i was meant to wake unsure
bathed in rose oil
spoke in star language
while sirens tore past the caravan sites
while boys I loved like kin
were dragged from flats in cuffs
and the ley lines buried
like nothing ever happened
nothing ever happened
and the circle
still held
everyone
circle of hand allow bow to grief
wake me if I’m asleep
someone slipped ketamine
into the barn rave
hay bales deep
hole in the middle
braided my hair
pauper throne chair
told me I was a princess
in a past life
as if that could untangle
what I already knew
at the time
never to address my dresses
rather just lie
I prayed to no one
only to landscape
to shift
to give
to estuary leak
and the hills did whisper
but in riddles
and bramble speak
wake me if I’m asleep
life right now
wake me if I’m asleep
fleeting as feeling
and every one of them
feeling like trespass
there were orange glass
and little pots and tiles and rocks
wake me now
slotted neatly along the top
corridors spiralling
and spiralling
as if to build a cathedral
not of saints
but of gesture
of someone trying to say
I lived
i will
I meant
wake me if I’m asleep
as a child
growing breaking bent
asking asking
why my hair
why this voice
why am I here
why this body
what is wrong with me
they gave me a name
told me my name
and from then on
it was go
do whatever you want
but not that
but not that
not that way
wake me if I’m asleep
I don’t remember much else
I’ve done so much
so much
witnessed beauty I still can’t digest
i scrawl it on my body
the bible
the crest
wake me if i seem distant
I held my mother
outside by the garden of water
the long long bridge
ocean daughter
she fell asleep
but walked down
to the side of the river long ever
I wonder how it felt there
I remember cotton
a t shirt
remember
maybe I was meant to play
him forever
but i died that night
maybe I was meant to play
I’m still not sure
wake me if I’m impure
and still i feel this
I still feel this song
wasn’t long
wasn’t
what I wrapped
in form
what I want to see
to see everyone
I want to see
what i wanted you to see
do you see me
the cosmic blade
pomegranate spray
oceans and oceans
and oceans of
pomegranate seeds
sniper bright
right above shot between my eyes
wake me if I’m asleep
I just wish
I could speak
to someone
electrical inference
Topic sleep and rowdy ram
distant christ of lamb
Walk away from us
I don’t know where
wake me
wake me
i don’t know who i am